


All These Windy Nights

by andathousandyearsmore



Series: blue or green or brown [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Humor, Avenger Loki (Marvel), Awesome Frigga (Marvel), Civil War Team Avengers, Fluff and Humor, Frigga (Marvel) Lives, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Loki & Tony Stark Friendship, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Love, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Non-Linear Narrative, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Canon Compliant, Not Thor: The Dark World Compliant, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, POV Loki (Marvel), Pining Loki (Marvel), Romance, Sassy Steve Rogers, Slow Burn, So much angst, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Gets a Hug, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Steve Rogers is Not a Virgin, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, okay i hope you get the point, welcome to the world of good endings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-13
Updated: 2019-05-13
Packaged: 2020-01-23 02:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18540181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andathousandyearsmore/pseuds/andathousandyearsmore
Summary: Loki knows that he likes Midgard much more than Asgard already, and he hasn't spent too much time here. Though the windy nights can get to be a bit much some days, he finds that cold is not always the bastion of evil and darkness. It is an interesting experience, he will not deny that, but it is not all bad. Certainly not, especially when he finds company here with a self-juxtaposed soldier, an eccentric engineer, an ardent assassin, a gentle genius, an 'awesome' archer (self-proclaimed, of course), and his bumbling brother... on slight occasion.And if he is able to like the ones that join after him as well, it is all the better news for him. But if he likes one a little more than the others, it is frustrating news. Very frustrating.or:How Loki is sent to the Avengers as a punishment for him, and how they (especially one in particular) like him enough to keep him as an Avenger.





	All These Windy Nights

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to another installment of oh! a lost fic! featuring stoki, sassy!steve, a bad idea, a non-linear timeline, and probably an unhealthy dose of my bostonian/british ass having a love/hate relationship with snow at the start
> 
> there is a timeline at the end, if anything is a little confusing
> 
> note: during March 2013, there is a suicide attempt (failed with pills and alcohol), or the discovery/aftermath of one, so if that is in any shape or form a trigger, please skip that one and move on to the next one. there isn't anything that won't make sense, so don't worry about skipping!

**November 2012**

**(post-Avengers)**

**(1/1)**

The wind is softly rustling outside, carrying with it little specks of snow across the white blanket-covered land and Loki can't help but admire the beautiful scene in front of the window he's at, no matter how much he dislikes the cold. The night is silent, except for the gentle breeze, and peaceful in a way that reminds him of Frigga's swirls of night magic and spells to help with dreamless sleeps. If he closes his eyes, he can hear her whispering quiet words of endearment to him like she's had when he was but a young child in need of love. When he opens his eyes, she's gone, but what remains is her presence all around him. Though he can't help but wish that she was next to him and savouring the lovely moment, breathing it in like is. 

He wants to go outside and touch the snow; run his fingers across the beds of snow gently enough that the snow's perfect layers remain unmarred. But Loki knows that the second he touches the pure snow, his Jotun form will reveal itself and sully everything, and so he stays inside. He stays where he cannot harm anyone or anything. He watches and admires, longing to enjoy better what he wishes and yet unable to do so. It is unlike him to appreciate a symbol of the cold this intensely, especially since he has learned who he really is, but something about the pure and calm that is outside has pulled him in like a siren's call. And he has never been able to resist neither beauty nor forbidden objects. Tonight, outside is both of them. 

So Loki watches the subtle wind pass by and lets his mind wander to how the wind would feel rustling against his fingers as strands of magic flow from him to create Midgardian snowmen out of the fallen snow. He doesn't let himself think about why he is staring out at two in the morning and lets himself have at least this much. There is nothing left for him that he can claim as his, and these stolen, sneaked memories are maybe the closest things he can save. In the end, his magic is not truly his, but rather taken from centuries of Frigga's patience and thousands of books. His mind is not his either, having had The Other and Thanos sift through it and control it akin to a puppeteer playing his strings to make his dolls dance. Perhaps it can also be said that he's always been a doll dancing to the whims of The Fates, Odin, Asgard, and then Thanos, but he wishes not to dwell on that either. That is the tipping point when he starts to question existence and the Norns altogether.

Some things are not to be trifled with, whether it be certain aspects of his past, or the snow in front of him. 

With that piece of wisdom, origins unknown, he stays watching until it is morning and he can hear the footsteps of the first riser heading towards the kitchen. Loki does not even need to look to see who the earliest riser may be; it is always, without fail the Captain. Nevertheless, he decides to go back to his lone room where no one can see that he has not slept. There is only so much mocking he can endure from the Avengers about 'the murderer being unable to sleep at night' without wanting to play tricks on them and violate the terms of his punishment. Although the Captain is the only one (save Thor) who does not partake in his mocking, the Captain is also the only one who holds the reins to whether or not Loki is permitted to stay or not. And no matter how much he despises this arrangement, the alternative is Asgard and the jails there, which do not agree with him so well. So he behaves, and by that he means he straddles the lines of the agreement without outright violating them. He does have a reputation to uphold.

Thankfully, Frigga had ensured that his magic would remain with him, although he is not allowed to use certain spells or abilities without immediately being transported to an Asgardian cell. He does not reveal to anyone that he has no care for much of it anyway, though he might have a need for it and it is always fun to practice. Really, what did Odin and his advisors believe they were preventing by removing certain things while allowing others like his shape-shifting, transfiguration, and matter-manipulating abilities? It is for all the better, anyway. With these, he can entertain the others into all of their beliefs about him. Many of them, and the world, think he is a remorseless and careless villain. Who is he to disabuse them of this notion? Perceptions are perhaps one of the best masks anyone can wield, and he has always been best at his masks. Clearly.

He always has a glamour on him; one that portrays him to everyone as the perfect Trickster God—it is also helpful that Midgard's myths about him and all of the others align with this idea—and as an Asgardian who is invincibly unshakable. Loki has earned his lesson about showing weakness and he is not keen on repeating or reliving the experience again. Somehow, the memory only worsens with each repeat flashback. It is of no matter, however, as long as he does not focus on it. 

Just as he does not care to think on a few things, there are many more that he has no choice in doing so. The Avengers and his punishment are two of them. They think themselves capable of fighting and defeating everything, now that they are on the glorious rush that had come from defeating him. Of course Thor fits in with them so perfectly. Though he has proven himself worthy by Mjonir, the spell cast on Mjonir came from Odin. Odin; who has the same idea of worthiness as all of the rest of the Avengers and Thor, and is oddly reflected in the one they call Nick Fury. They have the same eyepatch-look as well. He does not want to know what would happen if Fury and Odin ever met. They had come close, but the Captain had volunteered to do the negotiation on behalf of Earth and the Avengers. 

At the time, Loki had wondered how the very same Captain—akin to a lost puppy wading through life as a newborn—who he had encountered earlier would manage to do anything. And yet, diplomacy and strategy poured out of him like he had spent a millennia doing the very same. To his knowledge, the Captain was nearing a century, though he had spent nearly three quarters of it under ice... nowhere near a millennia. He had managed to hold his own during the entire time, balancing Odin's rashness, Frigga's requests, and the Avengers' disgust. The Captain had managed to do all this while acting like he was a deer caught in headlights, like he was lost and didn't know what he was doing. But Loki saw a cunning mind who knew exactly what he wanted and how to get it. And the Captain himself had revealed a different version of himself to Loki, before. Even if the Avengers blamed him for giving Loki a lighter sentence (though it seemed like they didn't expect anything different), and Asgard thought that Loki was done for, no one had realized what an unusual feat had been pulled off. 

But Loki and the Captain both chose to pretend like what had happened, did not happen. It was easier than to acknowledge it.

“Captain Rogers has called everyone down for breakfast,” the voice in the walls, JARVIS, calls out to him, disturbing him from his reflection on the agreement. "He has asked me to tell everyone that he will be sorely disappointed if they do not show in the next thirty minutes."

Loki instantly appears in front of the kitchen. “I hadn't realized that disappointment was a powerful motivator.” 

The Captain, to his credit, does not flinch at the sudden words, or his appearance. He does not even turn around from where he is flipping pancakes, which Loki finds insulting. He doesn't say anything at all, and Loki wonders if the Captain has even heard him at all. Maybe not. 

“Out of all the things you could have had JARVIS say—”

“You do realize that it brought you out here, right? And anyway, I can almost guarantee you that everyone will try and squeeze themselves here on the 29th minute because they love my pancakes,” the Captain says amusedly, still not bothering to turn around. He stops his pancake flipping to slide a plate stacked with food across the table behind him, having it stop perfectly at the edge, where Loki is standing. It's an impressive little trick, especially without magic. “Eat that.” 

“I merely dropped by to chide you on your lack of threats,” Loki refuses, wary of the food and lacking an appetite. “Not for your food.”

This causes the Captain to turn around. The expression on his face is not one of caution, but one of careful question veiled in amusement. His voice is mocking when he responds with, “I'm so sorry that I've offended you with my poor choice of words. Silly me, I never know what to say.” He rolls his eyes, having said his piece, and then turn around again. Both of them know how false that statement is. 

“You must be insane,” Loki comments causally, though he blinks at the Captain's easy demeanor with him. Why does the man act like he is but a mere human, and not a criminal? There is no way the Captain doesn't realize it. 

He laughs at that, a reference to their meeting before the trial. “So I've been... told before.”

Loki plays along. “I suspect that is a lie, Captain. Surely everyone is caught in your thrall to say such a thing.”

The Captain laughs again, only this is sadder. Loki has touched some kind of a nerve somewhere else, though he hadn’t meant to, and he wants to explore it. After all, the good captain has revealed a weakness and it would do him well to know it as a defense one day. 

“What can I say?” the Captain responds lightly, aiming for some kind of a levity to cover up his regret, “Everyone seems to love Captain America, but there's no need to be jealous, Loki.” It is good that the Captain cannot see Loki, because he feels himself stiffening the slightest to how his own nerve has been touched. The blond does not know what he has just said, and how he has affected Loki. And so casually, like people haven’t tried to figure out for centuries how to strike him. Well, the Captain does not know this, being a Midgardian.

Loki teleports away, leaving behind one Captain and one plate of pancakes. He ends up back in his room and promptly goes to his bed, turning off all lights. He'll try to sleep dreamlessly. It won't work. It never works. He still tries, maybe because he’s foolish and insane himself, expecting something different each time he tries.

* * *

**May 2015**

**(during AOU)**

**(1/2)**

Barton must think that he is funny, placing him and Steve in one room, Bruce and Natasha in the room adjacent to theirs, and Barnes and Tony in the room on the opposite side them. He agrees with placing Bruce and Natasha in the same room because of something happening between the both of them and that something needing to be sorted out. Having Barnes and Tony is one recipe for disaster, considering the begrudging toleration between the two of them with Barnes having killed Tony's parents and Tony having initially strongly vocalizing an opinion to lock Barnes away. Having Steve and him in the same room is another recipe for disaster, especially since Steve is angry with him and Tony for Ultron and the scepter. He doesn't know why Barton won't let Barnes and Steve room together. Loki is unfortunately also fully aware he sounds much like a petulant child. 

Lady Barton—Laura, as she has requested to be called—seems to share the same private joke that Barton is having. It had been instantly clear why Laura and Barton were together the second she laughed and nonchalantly invited everyone in without batting an eye. It had been clear why the two of them were _married_  the second she she revealed herself to have the same SHIELD connections as Barton, and the same ability to be a cunning, sarcastic agent the second she had asked Tony to _fix the tractor_. The children, Cooper and Lila, seem to have inherited the same sense of mischievous nonchalance from both of their parents. Really, this brings a new meaning of the phrase runs in the family. 

Loki has to commend Barton on managing to hide them all so perfectly away, even when Loki had control of his mind. He thought he knew Barton perfectly, but it appears he was mistaken. This makes sense though, on why he slips away frequently after missions and claims to be out for Fury when he has no business being overworked.  

Still, he cannot help but feel slighted when Barton informs him that he is to stay in the second room on the right, with Steve. Especially when Steve's jaw clenches and he doesn't even look at anyone but Clint, thanking him for letting them all stay with sincerity that vanishes as soon as he looks elsewhere. The two of them head silently towards the room, ignoring mutters of the others saying that this is an awkward situation. Trust him, Loki knows. 

“I can have the floor, if you would like,” Loki offers, before realizing that his powers are not with him and will not be with him until the next four days, thanks to his scepter draining them temporarily. 

Steve turns and looks at him, already in the room and surveying it with a casual air. Both of them know that Steve is feeling anything but _casual_ right now, or even calm. “Don't think Clint would appreciate you stealing his floor like a strange robber.” It is a strange attempt at levity, and completely at odds with the anger rippling off of Steve. 

“ _I_ do not appreciate—”

“I do not care. Take the floor, share the bed, find a couch, don't sleep at all, I don't care," Steve harshly cuts in as he strips his shirt off in a fluid motion that has Loki appreciative of how Steve manages to move so fluidly when he isn't conscious of himself, even when he is blazing with fire. His back muscles ripple as he searches for something in the closet that Clint had said there would be blankets and bed covers. He points to a rolled-up bundle of fabric as he says, “There's a sleeping bag right there if you want more options.” 

"Steve,” Loki sighs as Steve pulls out a few blankets and then walks over to the bed. And when Steve carries on like he hasn't heard Loki at all, he sighs once more. Loki ignores just how Steve looks like when he does not have a shirt on, and then chastises himself for thinking of such things when the time is dire and tries again to catch Steve's attention. “Steve, we have to t—” 

“No,” Steve coldly says, climbing into bed and pulling all the covers and blankets over him. “We don't. Maybe after, but right now we have _nothing_ to talk to about unless you have an immediate solution.” There is a silence before Steve mutters softly, “Shove me over if you have to.” 

Right, because Steve seemingly does not care if Loki shares the bed with him. Right, because Steve is always a painstakingly perfect gentleman to all that he thinks deserves it, and even those that are _bullies_. Which stings, because now he has not a clue which category Steve has placed him in for the time being. 

Hoping that Steve will not read much into it, and trying to divert his own mind from the true reason that he is doing this, Loki takes the space left on the bed. He closes his eyes and curses Barton, and himself, because if there is really anyone to scold, it is himself. For his role in creating Ultron, and for allowing himself to feel a stronger attraction to Steve when Steve is perhaps the only one that cannot be swayed. Especially now, since he has thoroughly messed up. 

The walls are not thin in this house, which Loki is glad for. He knows what must be happening in Tony and Barnes's room, what must be happening in Natasha and Bruce's room, and what must be happening in Barton's room. Unfortunately, the window, on the other hand, does a poor job of concealing the sound of rain and wind now that he cannot focus on anything else. 

The wind howls loudly, akin to the wolves that Barton had joked prowled these woods and it is nothing like the wind of the soft snow. It brings the downfall of water much quicker, and although it is good news for the family farm, of which Loki has no doubt, it is an annoying disturbance. Rapping against the window with distinct little drops drumming along inconsequentially, Loki wishes he could drown out the noise and promptly try to sleep. 

 _Drop. Drop. Drop. Drop. Drop drop. Drop. Drop. Drop drop. Drop. Drop drop. Drop drop. Drop._    

He doesn't know what to do, since he does not have magic to shut it off or lull himself to sleep. He sighs. Tomorrow, he will have to figure it all out.

* * *

**May 2016**

**(during CACW; no Lagos)**

**(1/5)**

Tensions are running high, and Loki just can't help but wonder where they would all be if it the news hadn't been so sudden, so urgent. They've all been arguing for the past hour on the Accords with no one making any headway. Bruce has left the room twenty minutes ago to prevent a Hulk-out, though everyone else remains. Loki has chosen to remain out of the conversation until he thinks everything has cooled down for everyone to think rationally. Surprisingly, Steve, sitting in the middle in his comfy chair, is the only other one to stay out. But where Loki is observing the argument, Steve is reading the Accords and choosing to maintain a calm, nonchalant air to the words around him. He doesn't even look the slightest bit affected. In fact, one might even think that it is only Steve in this room, reading a casual book to the sound of the nightly rustling spring wind, with the way that Steve is acting right now. 

Loki wants to laugh. Steve is never the logical one when it comes to things like these and he is never _chill_. The world must be truly tilted on its axis today. 

"If we can't accept limitations," Tony is saying sharply in the general direction of Sam and James, "if we're boundary-less, we're _no better_ than the bad guys. You know, the ones we're supposed to fight?"

"Not these limitations," Sam counters with just as much fire. He's standing behind Steve, and Loki does not miss the occasional concerned glances the Falcon sends Steve. Sam has picked up the unusualness of Steve’s silence as well. "Not like this. These documents, they shift the blame. They're not the responsibility or the accountability you're looking for. They're not." 

"I'm sorry Sam, what? That's exactly what they're doing! I think you missed the part on how we're finally being checked and held responsible," Tony condescendingly says, before drinking an entire glass of water in a second and looking like he wished it was alcohol, even though he is fully sober.

"And this isn't like 2014, where everything turned out to be HYDRA. This is the United Nations and 117 countries. It would dangerously arrogant to think that we know better," James says from his position right next to Sam. "The UN, man."

"Run by people," Bucky dryly laughs. "With agendas that change." 

"Is that a bad thing? His," James points to Tony, "changed, and Tones shut down all of his military division because of it."

Tony pretends to preen, and makes a heart gesture at James. "Thanks, platypus. You're doing great babe."

Clint looks up from where he's taken a short break on his phone—Loki knows he was paying attention just as sharply before though—and shakes his head. "He made that choice. If all of us sign, realistically, we're never going to get that choice again. Hell, it's going to be like if Ross says jump, Cap only can ask how high. The rest of us won’t be able to do shit." 

Something changes on his phone screen, and Clint looks back down at it, frowning as he types frantically. 

"Yes, but if we all sign, we have a hand on the steering wheel so that we can, one day, have Steve _not_ be limited to asking how high," Natasha says as Tony flashes her a smile of thanks. "It's time that we—”

"Maybe the decision is easy for you," Wanda says quietly, aiming her words at James, Tony, and Natasha in particular, "But I know that if I sign, or even if enough of us sign, they will lock me up. Even having that initial choice removed, having any sort of control removed would not fare well for me or people like me." She lights up her hand with a few spark of red. "If I don't control this, then the government will."

"If we all signed," Vision gently says, "Then we can prevent that from happening." 

"No, how _could_ you? After we sign we are puppets of the government. And I do not wish to sign myself over to a puppeteer voluntarily again," Wanda says, using her magic to conjure up two red puppets on a string jerking to to movement of her hands. It is a clever little illusion, which Loki quickly revises to include all of them with his own magic. They all turn to look at it incredulously, and then him, but Loki merely winks and then dissolves the illusion completely. 

"Cute," Tony says in a voice that suggests anything but. "So we've got me, Natasha, Vision and Rhodey for signing and Clint, Sam, Bucky, Bruce, and Wanda against signing. Loki and Steve haven't said a word, but Reindeer Games here might have already made his point." 

"I agree with Natasha," Loki says, contrary to Tony's belief, "In the sense that if we sign, we can aim to negotiate the Accords. We have made a few public mistakes and I do have a personal stake in accountability thanks to New York which... is better left unsaid at the moment. The Accords I disagree with but I will sign if need be. All of us need to win back the trust of the people and the government, and this, while not the best, is a step. And anyways, all of us have the power to negotiate well." 

"It's five and five," Sam says. "So what's it going to be, Steve?"

"Steve?" Bucky and Tony asks, because Steve is going to tip the favor in one direction no matter what he chooses. It’s a little funny how two people from both sides are asking him, especially since they are two of Steve’s closest friends.

Steve methodically places a bookmark in the Accords and leans it against his seat, so that it won't fall and shake something out. As he's rubbing his temples and pausing to actually consider his words, Loki notices how Steve is finally showing a sign of the toll this is taking on him. He's weary, he's shaky and unsure, which means Steve himself isn't sure in his decision. This is fantastic. 

Closing his eyes and slowly exhaling to the same timing as the wind outside, Steve says, "I need everyone to tell me right now that we will remain a team no matter what happens. That our priorities will lie with us. The Avengers." 

No one says a word, minds whirling miles as they all try to figure out what is happening in Steve's. Because that is a non-sequitur as far as they’re concerned, since it directly answers no one’s questions. Loki can’t help but think that this is a classic strategy to play. 

“Stevie, the Accords make that imposs—” Bucky starts to say. 

Opening his eyes and getting up from his seat, Steve swiftly interrupts him. He walks over to the door and leans on it as he says something else. "I'm not giving your answer until I get mine, don't hold your breath. If you need help coming up with one, though, I'd suggest asking FRIDAY to summarize the section that I just re-read. I—"

"Where are you going?" Wanda asks, interrupting him as well. 

Steve smiles a little, somehow finding it in him to do so in this time. What does he know? "Something tells me it'll take all night for a consensus. I've got to talk to Peggy and a few friends in the meantime. I'll be b—"

He is interrupted again, by his phone playing the opening few notes of the Doctor Who theme song. Everyone watches as Steve pulls it out in that cool demeanor that is covering him like a blanket. But they're unable to do anything in the second that Steve's face falls, his eyes wild with shock. His cool deameaor falls like it was nothing but a mask.

"No," he breathes out, using the wall as a support to help keep him up, "No, no, no, she just, I just, I have to... no."

"Steve?" Loki asks, sensing the distress to be something much more darker: loss. 

"We have to—she's gone. We have to go. Sharon just texted," Steve manages to fumble out, staring at his phone before he forcefully shuts his eyes and sharply exhales. "Tony, Bucky, she's..."

* * *

**September 2012**

**(post-Avengers)**

**(1/3)**

Thor approaches his cell in a fashion glum enough that one might think _he_ is the one being locked in a cell for eternity. A ridiculous notion, really, because who would dare to lock away the crown prince? Certainly not Odin, who has spent all of Thor's life wanting Thor for the throne. Which also means all of Loki’s life, but he doesn’t care.

"Brother, I have news," is the only thing Thor says before his face falls again. Bad news, then? 

"If you are here to tell me simply there is news, without informing me of such immediately, I shall think you are here to gloat about your freedom to move around the palace and talk to people as you wish," Loki says after Thor still remains silent. As if Loki can read Thor's mind in his chains. 

"I did not mean—I was merely trying to think on how to express it," Thor shook his head, fully offended at the insinuation.

Loki smiles. It has always been easy to push buttons like this. But the fact remains that Thor's words are beginning to concern him. Thor never thinks before it speaks and it has always shown. So that Thor is trying to word his news softly, it might be worrisome if Loki truly cared.

"Blunt words might be if comfort if you do not talk soon. I grow tired of your face," Loki sighs. 

Thor glares for a second, catching the insult. "The Captain, my shield-brother, has offered to take up negotiations against the All-Father about your actions and your punishment. He is shy a few years of his first century, but he even then has not lived most of it. There is a story about ice that I do not yet know in relation to him. It remains that the Captain, though a valiant fighter and leader, might not be able to plead your case." 

That Thor even has the thought to undermine one of his friends is interesting to Loki. That Thor wants to warn Loki is another thing in itself. So there has to be something else. Something else Loki can possibly use, or maybe someone else.

"And?" 

"The Captain wishes to speak with you for a few moments and about what, I do not know. He is waiting for me to finish talking so that I may send him in," Thor informs. 

Loki contemplates the choice that Thor is giving him. It is a strange courtesy. But then— 

"You said that the Captain has volunteered himself?" Thor nods. "Let him come, then."

Thor nods again and walks away, leaving Loki to wait for the Captain and the fate the lies in store for him.

It takes quicker than Loki had expected, for the Captain to stand just exactly where Thor had been standing (well, a little to the left, placing himself in the center) and look. The Captain is dressed in some sort of a suit with these ribbons and pins adorning it in a proud display. Perhaps something military, then, like the Captain's war dress from decades ago. Or an updated version with all these accolades. It looks like something that means a lot, something flashy, 

"You remind me too much of Thor," Loki sneers, though he's lying through his teeth. The only thing they have in common is their blond hair and fair complexion. Even their muscle types are different. 

The Captain doesn't even blink at that, doesn't respond to the insult that it really is or the compliment that many would take it as. Barreling past it in a manner similar to Thor barreling through obliviousness, ironically, he asks, "What would you like? Eternity in this cell, eternity freed on Asgard, or... perhaps something else?" 

"Have you come then, to taunt about my future? Is that why you have offered yourself as diplomat?" Loki sharply asks, trying to puzzle out the Captain's angle. "I would have thought this beneath you, Captain. If not ill-suited." 

The Captain doesn't fall for the bait, or Loki's stalling technique. He _smiles_ as his eyes flicker upwards towards Loki with a joke that seems to be private. Not for long. "Call me Steve. You aren't from Ea-Midgard—you call it Midgard, sorry—uh, and I hardly think that a prince should buy into America propaganda." 

"Not a prince," Loki corrects just as swiftly at _Steve_. "Princes are not  _jailed for eternity_ in retribution for their crimes." 

"And neither will you," the Captain says like he truly believes it, which means he must be an idiot for either trying to persuade Loki on that matter, or for stubbornly holding onto that belief. The Captain smiles again, only much more softly, like he is reminiscing an event past. "I cannot ask you to trust me, or have any faith in me, but I only hope that you will give me some kind of a clue as to what it is you want."

Loki laughs loudly at the Captain in response.

"Most of Ear- _Midgard_ may not place much faith in royalty these days, but anyone with sight can see, no matter what reflects in your own mirror, that you are a prince in your own right. Maybe not of Asgard, or Jotunheim, or E- _Midgard,_ goddamn, but one nevertheless. I hope you figure it out, one of these days, but I think that finding an answer outside of these walls might be easier than inside." 

Loki laughs again, putting on a show of nonchalance. "Ah, dear Captain. It's almost stunning how easy you believe this is. As if anyone can release me from my own prison. It's cute, and something only a pathetic mortal can think of." 

"Steve," the Captain says again, letting Loki's words wash right over him. "And none of what you're saying is an answer. I just need to know one thing, if you're willing. Do you want an escape from Asgard and prison, or not?" 

"Freedom is an illusion," Loki merely says, and this time, the Captain snorts loudly. 

With a smirk, and a growing amused expression, the Captain grins, "And don't I know it. But I'm not offering you freedom or lies; I'm offering an escape from the blinding gates of Asgard. If you think I could do it, which would you pick?" 

"Predictably, the escape," Loki responds, deciding that he may as well go along with the Captain's game. There may be merit to this, or maybe not. "This is what you wanted me to say, is it not?" 

"Is it?" the Captain counters as he cocks a challenging eyebrow, blue eyes gleaming with a challenge. In that gesture, it finally clicks for Loki. What is happening here, what the Captain is planning to do, what is in store for Loki, all of it. He chides himself for severely underestimating the blond. "You did destroy one of my favorite cities."

The only question remains is  _why_ the Captain is doing what's he is doing. It's also the question that matters.

"What do your fellow Avengers think of you?" Loki sneers, trying a new tactic. "Aiding a criminal and the one who tried to destroy your so-called city that never sleeps? Do they think you weak, or gullible? Or do they think you a traitor?"

A smile grows on the Captain's face once more. "Why don't you come to Earth to find out? If I offer you an escape to Earth, where almost all of our seven point something billion residents don't know you're there, would you take it? If I offer a chance to leave your former family to try and start again as best you can, while maintaining visits to Frigga, would you take it? If I offer a chance to steal back freedom again, to feel sun and wind on your face, to live your days under nightime stars older than any of us, would you take it?" 

Before Loki can say anything, the Captain turns to leave. But before he does, he says, "Something to think about, Loki Silvertongue."

And he's gone, just like that, taking along his own promises and secrets. 

 _Silvertongue_. 

How does he know?

* * *

**May 2016**

**(during CACW, post-funeral)**

**(2/5)**

The funeral had been befitting for a woman of Margaret Carter's importance. Steve and Tony, along with her four familial relatives, had been the ones to carry her coffin into the church with equal expressions of grief displayed on their faces. Loki had wished in that moment to do nothing more than did both of them of their tears. Bucky was beside him, hiding it far more better than the two of them, but no less hurting. After all, he knew that Steve, Bucky, and Peggy had been in somewhat of a romantic triad-related arrangement in their time. Such things were not easy to walk away from. And neither was a bond like the one shared between Tony and Peggy, one of guardian and charge, mentor and student, godmother and godchild, and friends, of course. 

After the funeral had been much worse than before or during it, though. They were all to stay in London, because two days later was the rescheduled date for the signing of the Accords. It had technically been today, during the funeral, but all of them had leveraged a united front on signing it later, to let their leaders grieve in peace. Peggy Carter still had enough of a presence that the UN managed to agree, if only barely. Though Loki suspected they were displeased with the idea, because it seemed that they were looking to use Steve and Tony's pain to achieve their signings and demands easier. 

Steve, Natasha, him, and Tony were the last ones left in the church. Natasha and Steve were having their own moment near the end of the pews, where Steve kept glancing mournfully at the coffin and then back to Natasha, who was saying something that Loki didn't really want to read. Natasha eventually gave Steve a hug, not letting go of him, even after Loki turned away from watching the duo. He felt like he was intruding. 

Instead, he turned to Tony, who seemed to be watching Steve and Natasha just the same as he was. 

"You know, rumor has it that Aunt Peggy and Natasha used to keep each other in the espionage loop occasionally, with Aunt Peggy sharing older operations and information that Natasha needed while Natasha shared some of her best missions as a thank you. No one could find a reason why Natasha would visit Aunt Peggy randomly otherwise. But you know what really happened? More often than not, they'd just talk about Downtown Abbey and all kinds of soap operas. After they were done with the spy stuff," Tony says after a minute, his voice trying not to betray anything. 

"You must not do this to yourself," Loki gently says. "Do not try and remember everything and everyone's opinions about Peggy Carter. Keep your memory of her with you, always, but don't try and reduce it to try and cope. You will do no one a favor. Trust me." 

Tony turns to look at him with a bitter expression on his face, much more tired and weary. "What else can I do, Lokes? How else does someone like me cope with her? I can't drown it with alcohol like I did with Mom and Jarvis and Ana, and there isn't—she was what I had left." 

"And what of your team? Us?" Loki asks. 

"What do you think? Steve and Bucky had the larger loss, didn't they?" Tony responds sadly, gesturing towards Natasha. 

"Loss cannot be compared," Loki shakes his head. "It is still a hole that cannot be filled easily. But you are still not alone."

"Pep, Happy, and Rhodes are out," Tony scoffs, "And I can't even blame them because Pep's been booked this week for the past _year_ for her conference, and she took Happy. Rhodey can't come until the signing because the military won't let him go. The team is going to be with Steve and Bucky, no matter what you say. Hell, I would too."

Loki has a hundred things to say to that, but they say that actions speak louder than words, so he merely hugs Tony like he hasn't hugged a person since Frigga. He can't think of a better person or a more worthy time than this to get over that. He panics for a second that Tony doesn't want to be hugged, but lets go of the worry when Tony gratefully embraces him back. Soon, his left shoulder starts to dampen, and he knows that Tony is trying to silently cry. 

When a louder sob escapes Tony, the man freezes, but Loki says, "You told me once that it is okay to let go. Let me help as you have helped me before." It takes a moment for the words to sink in, but when he feels pressure at his shoulder again, he only hopes that Tony feels secure enough in doing so. 

When Tony pulls away from the hug, his face is a little shiny, with the fabric of Loki's suit having caught most of his tears. "I just—she was a better parent to me than he was, a hundred times over. And after they all died, she helped me so much." 

Loki merely responds, "Then it would do you no good to fall into misery's company. I would imagine that she would be telling you to get on with your life, if her advice to people remains consistent." 

Tony huffs a laugh. "That's what she said last time... at a different funeral. But I'm guessing she tells that to Steve a lot more, huh?" 

He shrugs, this is no time to bring up just exactly how he knows that. "We should go outside for some fresh air. It's almost nighttime, and a slight wind underneath the stars is always pleasant."

* * *

**September 2012**

**(post-Avengers)**

**(2/3)**

The Captain comes back to him the next morning, though time has no meaning in the prisons, and no form. Here, sunny days and windy nights hold no meaning, since the cells blend all the hours together into one eternity. But Loki can tell that it is morning by how bright and well-rested the Captain looks. Besides, if he's been keeping his own count of the days passing by, that's something he'll keep to himself. 

"Have you thought about it?" the Captain merely asks, a pleasant smile resting on his face, void of the sharp personality Loki had seen yesterday. This is the innocent look that the Captain wears like his own skin, Loki realizes, like he's the most honest person out of them all. 

Honesty is relative, always. And both of them seem to know it. 

"Of course not," Loki dismissively says, like he doesn't care at all. "Why pretend as if my opinion matters?" 

The Captain looks at him like it was a waste of time coming down here, and Loki rolls his eyes. Please, like he hasn't seen that look before. It's not going to work on him anymore; he refuses to feel even the slightest bit sad over it. But then the Captain sighs and smiles, shaking his head like he's condescendingly talking to a stubborn child. 

"Oh, but it _does_ ," the Captain says, and though Loki expected his words to match his condescending expression, they're actually dripping with enough sarcasm that he blinks. "Can't you see? Your opinion matters _just_ as much as mine does, probably even more. And you can probably see how much _mine_ matters." 

Loki’s starting to wonder just what the Captain’s opinion is worth when said like that.

"Considering your opinion determines my fate," Loki lightly says (though it's all a lie), refusing to acknowledge that sarcastic tone, "I sincerely doubt it, Captain."

The Captain's expression instantly transforms from this pleasantly bland one into the knowing, cunning one of yesterday. Only... he's bitter. Bitter about something that Loki can't determine yet, but bitter enough that annoyance is radiating off of him. But the Captain isn't annoyed at Loki, it seems. His team? Asgard? Midgard? Midgard's leaders? Odin, even? 

"Here I thought I was being an open book," the Captain says, running a hand through his hair. "And here I thought you were supposed to be clever. Cunning. Manipulative. Stealthy. Sly."

Loki starts to say something, but the Captain huffs a laugh instead and continues on with, "So tell me, Loki Liesmith, why do you think I'm asking you about if you've thought about my offer?" 

Liesmith. How does he know about all the Asgardian monikers that he has been bestowed? Thor has no clue of them, since no one dares utter them in his presence, and also because he is oblivious. The Captain's only Asgardian connection is Thor, since Asgardians seldom associate with Midgardians, claiming that they are a waste of time. So how?

"Thor says that you volunteered," Loki says instead. 

"Thor says that your eyes are green," the Captain counters. 

"My eyes are whatever color I want them to be," Loki responds callously, a non-answer for a non-answer. 

"Clint says that your eyes are blue." 

"Like I said, my eyes are whatever color that I choose for the moment. Right now, they are brown. Does it matter?"

"I say that your eyes were the same blue as Clint's when he was under the Sceptre's influence."

Loki stares at the Captain, at this man who seemingly can drop honesty like a mask instantly, at this man who seems to presumes so much without assuming to understand anything, at this man who is aware of just who he is in a time that he's struggling to learn, at this man who is the leader of his enemy and yet holds no contempt for him, at this man who supposedly stands for freedom and knows its lies, at this man who wears grief like a suffocating sky while managing to let the sun out for everyone else, at this man who knows how to use himself like a pawn in the games he's plays. 

"Like this?" Loki asks, switching his eye color instantly to the shade of blue that he knows that the Captain is talking about. 

The Captain's eyes flicker up to survey his face critically, before he laughs loudly, half in delight and half in insanity. "I think I'm going crazy. Why— _god_ , why has that been the only thing that's felt real this entire time? I can't—there isn't—oh god, I've lost it." He's still laughing through his words, though everything sounds bitter and so wrong that Loki wants to make it stop, make him stop.

"Are you mad?" Loki sharply asks, wishing he could make the Captain stop. The entire situation has spiraled out of hand. 

The Captain immediately stops, but the bitterness remains, and it's still all _wrong_. "Yes," he responds, a note of incredulity and weariness in his voice. "Yeah, I've probably lost my mind since the day I woke up in a world that thinks so much about me but doesn't let me do any thinking. Nothing has felt real in _months_ , except oh wait, it's actually been seventy years and hello Captain America, you've done a service to this country, can you keep on doing it so that we can use you like the tool that you are? Maybe I'm a tool, because I said yes because it's the only thing I know anymore. Tool. And oh, ha,  _my_ opinion determines your life? _My_ opinion does? My opinion hasn't mattered in seventy years, and I don't even control my own life anymore; you think I'm going to control yours? But life is a tricky thing, so look at you; you, who have pinned me right down to the man I really am. Accurately without any of the glamor and the glory, too, because you're sick of it like I am. Sick and tired of people thinking that their voices are important enough for people to be killed and abused. Turns out that _this_ is the only thing that stays the same across time, across realms." 

"Which is?" Loki asks on reflex (even though he knows), to see what else to Captain will say before he stops and lets Loki process all his words.

He huffs a laugh. "Unlucky bastards, and the people that control them. But I don't need to tell you this, do I? You've been f-screwed over six ways to Sunday." 

"I'm afraid I don't understand what that means, Captain," Loki lies, throwing attention elsewhere as he parses some through all that the Captain has said. This can be used as ammunition against him, Loki rationalizes. 

"Right," the Captain dryly says. "And my first name is Captain, like you seem to think it is, Prince Loki." 

His eyes flash red at the Captain's mocking tone. "Do _not_ call me that."

"Don't call me Captain, and I won't call you Prince Loki." 

"What do you get out of this?"

"It's the opposite, really, and I think you can figure out all the ways I'm hurting myself by agreeing to handle negotiations the way I am," he says, face looking like he's going to start laughing again. "But in this brave new world, your eyes have been the only thing that feels real, blue or green or brown. Do what you will with that, Loki Slygod." 

Then, just like that, he leaves. 

 _Another known nickname. How?_  

He must be insane, and yet Loki knows that this isn’t true. 

* * *

**May 2015**

**(after AOU)**

**(2/2)**

Loki watches as his brother, Steve, and Tony walk outside from the Avengers compound joking about Mjonir and an elevator being worthy. He smiles, being the only one out of the four of them to know that both Steve and Tony are worthy in addition to Thor. Thor believes he's the only one, and Steve and Tony haven't realized that the other can wield it as well. Well, Steve was close to revealing himself at the party that started this mess, and Loki isn't sure if Mjonir considers Tony worthy at the moment, but he is sure that she will change her mind on the genius once more. 

"Triple Yahtzee?" Tony asks Thor at the same time Steve asks, "You think you can find out what's coming?"

"Besides this one," Thor says, pointing to Tony with a chuckle, "there's nothing to be explained." And in true Thor fashion, he leaves quite dramatically, damaging the lawn much to Tony's chagrin. Loki hides another smile as Tony complains. 

"I will miss him," Tony declares, still frowning at the mark on the lawn.

"He'll come back sometime," Steve says, trying to lighten the mood up. 

"With trouble for us," Tony dryly says. "The stuff he said, it sounds like we're not going to catch a break in the future. But for right now, I guess we're just going to have to carve out some kind of a nice life. Quiet, maybe." 

Steve nods, suddenly swallowing hard and looking a little wistful, a little nostalgic for something he never really had but once had a chance to start. "The simple life." 

Tony catches onto that the same as Loki had. "You'll get there one day." 

"I don't know. Family, stability... the guy who wanted all that went in the ice seventy-something years ago. I think someone else came out," Steve shakes his head, though he doesn't look terribly sad. Just a little. But that little is enough that Loki wants to wipe it off. And fix it.

"Well, it's a good thing that all of us fall into that, then?" Tony jokes, though Loki can see the strain in his face. "Eh, besides Clint. But Clint's Clint. It's like the elevator all over again. Doesn't count, because it's not normal." 

Loki decides that now is a good time to teleport over to Tony and Steve, revealing himself from the invisible spell he had place down on himself beforehand. "The elevator?" 

Tony stumbles back a little, surprised, while Steve stands there looking a little annoyed but otherwise unsurprised. Actually, Steve seems to be hiding a smile at Tony, who complains, "Jeez, you have got to give a man a warning before you jump in like that, Oz."

"And miss out on this much fun? Of course not," he says, grinning at Tony's reaction openly. 

"Well, scare him," Tony grumbles, "I bet he's the false bravado guy who just makes high-pitched noises when he sees a bug." 

"Nope," Steve smirks, crossing his arms like Thor does whenever he merely wants to flex off his strength. Only difference is that Loki's fairly sure that Steve knows that he does it. "That sounds oddly specific, though, doesn't it, Loki? I think we should test that out sometime." 

"Ha, ha," Tony responds, not denying it. "I was going to tell you that I will miss you, but never mind. I take it back."

Steve freezes in place. "Wait, what? Where are you going? I thought you were—"

"Not me," Tony shakes his head. "Loki. _I'm_ staying here to make sure none of you ruin my compound Avengering. I mean, I'll be gone a couple times because of SI, but not so often." 

Steve's expression doesn't change much, but now that it lands on Loki, he feels just a little annoyed at Tony for saying something. "Oh," he says flatly, blankly.

Tony's eyes widen in realization, a few seconds too late. "Shit." 

"Language," Loki calls out just to mock Steve, and lift his spirits up. 

Steve doesn't take it in stride though, and instead walks out, mumbling something about talking to Romanoff. 

They watch him go in silence, waiting until he's out of considerable earshot inside the Compound. Then Tony says, "He wasn't supposed to know, was he? You haven't told him?" 

Loki chuckles mirthlessly. "I have to go visit Sigyn, and Frigga, at the very least, but no. I hadn't told him because he would see through the excuse to take a break. And his disappointed face is sometimes compelling." 

Tony looks in the direction that Steve had left in. "Thor left. Steve understood. You could take a break. Steve would understand, and he would know that you're coming back at a reasonable time." 

"I'm afraid that wouldn't be the case. You must have noticed that he doesn't speak to me when we're alone, and if I leave, he's only going to think the worst of it."

Tony sighs, understanding what Loki isn't saying. "Reindeer Games, you've got some boy troubles. Blond boy troubles."

* * *

**September 2012**

**(post-Avengers)**

**(3/3)**

Loki is watching as everyone is debating the future of his existence. In front of him, a blond man is practically cowed into submission by the sheer force of Asgardian royalty and the fierce determination of the man's own team. It has been nearly two hours, and everyone is either yelling or talking in thinly-veiled insults and barbs. Besides the blond man (who Loki refuses to call Captain or anything else because he now knows better), Loki thinks that everyone is prepared to fight it out. Even his mo–Frigga. _His_ _mother_ , damn everything. There is no progress being made. 

For a long second, he wonders if the blond man played him for a fool and gave him a cruel glimpse of hope while turning tail in retribution for destroying his city. He doesn't put it past the man, who can then turn around and play at innocence since no one knows better than Loki. Loki, who will then be reduced to poor, crazy Loki that no one will believe. He silently observes the blond man, watching to see if this is true, and how to avoid bearing Odin's full punishment if so. 

And then—

"Is everyone done?" the blond man asks, not loudly, not sharply, and not forcefully either. When they seem to pass off his words as figments of their imagination, which Loki understands, the blond clears his threat and looks mildly impatient. He turns to his team with a quelling look. "Are you done?" 

His team, Thor's team, the _Avengers_ , shut up in a spell perfect enough that Loki himself can't improvise it. In accordance, when Odin realizes that his opponents have stopped talking, he stops as well. Thor just looks at the blond man with suspicion while Frigga has a knowing smile on her face. 

"All-Father, I'd like to call for an hour's recess, for all of us to reflect on everyone's wishes and strategize a plan that might prove beneficial to all of us, and if only to... calm the tempers of my team," the blond diplomatically says, carefully avoiding mentioning Odin's loud temper. And Thor's. Loki realizes what else the blond is doing; he's putting the Avengers at a deliberate disadvantage to seem like they'll all give in to Odin's wishes. Once Odin denies the request (which he will, knowing Odin) it's going to seem like another disadvantage to the blond. 

Loki hadn't been Odin's number one diplomat for nothing. He sees exactly what the blond is doing, but still stifles the shred of hope that's rising in him. There's no use until it's all over. And then the dead have no use for hope, anyway. 

The Avengers hold their breaths and all look at the blond with a sense of distrust that isn't lost to Odin. Of course, as predicted, Odin almost gleefully denies it, sensing the cleverly planned discord in the team. He watches the Avengers stare at the blond with pity for him, and impatience. Oh, Loki's starting to understand just what the blond meant by this morning. 

"Okay," the blond—the Captain—says, feigning disappointment. "That's understandable. Now..."

Loki tunes him out for the time being, having the back of his mind record everything while focusing his attention elsewhere. He watches the Captain's body language instead, as well as the body language of his fellow Avengers, many of who jump in to interrupt or interject their own opinions. Besides the spider. She seems like she's assessing the Captain as well, seeing him in a new light. And Frigga—

Frigga seems wholeheartedly approving of this. Loki suddenly thinks back to all the monikers that the Captain had called him, and the seemingly innate and natural knowledge he had of Asgard. Frigga and the Captain have similar interests and goals when it comes to him, and he knows that both of them are people who are left in the shadows, though their personalities and fame are in the forefront. And then, after that, everything clicks so perfectly well, doesn't it? The Captain's confidence, Frigga's assurance... everything. It's something he would have never seen coming, and that's precisely the beauty of it. 

His lips curve into a smirk that the infuriating one, Iron Man, notices first.

"Um, why is Megolo-Silver smiling like that? Do we need to watch out for some Kaadus or Acklays or any weird Talortai shit?"  

 "Tony," the Captain sternly chides, though when he glances at Loki, an approving look dances briefly on his face. It disappears when he looks at Frigga, and then Tony. "I don't even think most humans can understand that. Please don't."

Loki sees Iron Man rolling his eyes and mouthing something directing straight at the Captain. He's pretty sure that the Captain himself doesn't understand what Iron Man had said. But every single weakness that the Captain shows, every single misconstrued detail he reveals is one that plays right into the idea that Midgardians are inferior in every aspect, including their minds. 

So when the Captain starts to slowly change many of the numerous conditions and demands that Odin is listing, and the Avengers are growing increasingly frustrated since they believe the Captain is wholeheartedly giving in, Loki is smirking the entire time. But he gets rid of the smirk when Odin bellows that Loki is to spend at minimum a year with the Avengers to atone for his crimes, and do whatever they wish for however long they wish, since he is supposed to hate it. He is allowed to Asgard once or twice a year at Frigga's request, but nevertheless under the watch of Captain Rogers, who is to remain in contact with Heimdall about Loki. Odin also states that Loki is to remain in the Captain's hands, and here Loki can see much of Frigga's persuasion. 

Because Loki is going to be the closest to free as he's been in a long while. Odin may think that the Avengers are going to treat Loki badly because the Captain is a pushover, and the Avengers may think that they're going to suffer (and subsequently make Loki suffer) through a long year because the Captain is a pushover, but he knows better. 

It's going to be interesting, at the very least, having a semblance of possession of himself for a while. 

He knows he'll dread the day it's over, but in a fashion completely uncharacteristic of himself, he leaves that problem for the future. Right now, he can pretend to hate this arrangement, hate the feeling of sunny days and windy night, hate the lies of freedom. Later, he'll savory every last moment.

* * *

**May 2016**

**(during CACW)**

**(3/5)**

After all the spies and JARVIS check the room for anything that may be recording them in this hotel room that they're all cramped in, Loki places a spell over to truly soundproof everything. And camouflages them all, because he can't be too careful. Especially now, when everything can go to ruins with one wrong word. As an afterthought, he makes it seem like there's only him and Steve in this room, and asks FRIDAY to erase any and all existing footage to the contrary. 

It's the night of Peggy's funeral, and they're all assembled in this British hotel room (that he and Steve are sharing for the night, lucky him) to consider their future about the Accords.  

"I asked everyone if we would remain a team no matter what," Steve says, a heavy breath caught in his words, like he's pausing to think. "That if they would place their priorities with the Avengers, no matter the cost." 

"You're making us sound like the Mafia, Steve," Bucky jokes, though Loki can see there's only dullness in his eyes. "Again?"

Steve shoots Bucky a look, in fond exasperation, while Clint, Sam, and Wanda mouth "Again?" to themselves in wonder. Loki also wants to know what that means, actually. 

"Remember Marshall?" Steve says, and Bucky stares at him in a look that Loki knows to be his signature 'you _stupid, dumb fucking_  punk, what the fuck are you on, asthma cigarettes?' look. Bucky's explained it to him. 

"I remember Marshall," Bucky slowly repeats, like he's talking to a two-year-old, "Who wouldn't remember the newsie who peddled drugs in between his papers and played possum like a champ?" 

Steve sighs. "His sister. Wait, were you there for when Lila—oh, no, you weren't."

"O-Kay," Tony stresses as he cuts into the conversation. "Hold off the geriatric reminiscing for when we all aren't in trouble?" 

Steve turns to Tony a little annoyed that he's been interrupted. "I'm _waiting_ on all of your answers. I already knows Buck's." 

"Yeah? And what is that?" Bucky says, raising an eyebrow. 

"Same one you gave me seventy-something ago," Steve blithely responds, not hesitating for even a moment as he flashes an easy grin over to his best friend. He said trying to ease all of their nerves. Calm them all down, and the rationally swoop in with a solution. One that they'll all accept, because it's going to work. 

"Are you implying that I'm easy?" Bucky scoffs, picking up on what Steve's doing. They're reaching for levity. 

"Why would I do that kind of work when I can call you easy?" 

"Can't handle that kind of thinking?"

"Nah, I don't think you could've, jerk." 

"Is that how this is, punk?"

"Well, you ain't here to do some thinking, that's for sure." 

"Okay, okay, okay, can you two cut it out before Steve says 'ain't' again and goes full on Brooklyn on us?" Sam interjects, holding his hands to try and separate the two physically. "If I'm going to stick around and stay, I don't need to hear this for the rest of whenever."

"I don't know, maybe Steve's Brooklyn accent is the sexiest thing ever," Clint says, in a ridiculous voice. " _I_ , personally, wouldn't mind hearing for the rest of whenever." He winks at Steve lecherously, and Steve grins back. 

"Clint, you're married, sit your ass back down," Tony says. 

"Oh wait, is my yes set in stone? Wait, I can't say yes when I don't know what you're asking. I have a wife, three kids to feed, a dog who loves pizza, and a farm to support!" Clint pretends to groan. "Damn. Guess there goes retirement." 

"I never know when you're being serious about retiring," Bruce says. "I'm starting to think it's never. Bad lead to follow, but I guess I'll do it anyway. It's not like retirement ever stuck on me." 

"I'm not retiring while I've still got it," Rhodey says with a smile. "Not on my life." 

"I believe one is a bad age to quit, especially a team and a family like this," Vision says, cracking a joke with a hesitant smile. Loki's proud of how far Vision's come. 

"As long as I'm not signing, I'll stay," Wanda says, "Any other form than that. You guys are family, and close to me. Tonight, especially, I've figured that out." 

Natasha looks around at the sea of waiting faces, and then him, then Tony, and finally Steve. Loki wants to know what's she's looking for, except that he knows. She sighs. "I don't hand over my priorities like that, you know." She snaps in the air. 

"Damn, Rogers. Almost got the full set," Tony says, impressed at how quickly everyone's made a decision. 

"I'm looking for the full one, if you're willing," Steve responds. 

Tony smirks. "Don't let me stop you, Man With A Plan. I've been curious since Day One." 

Loki stares at Steve directly, maintaining a straight face until he lets a small smile win over his expression. "I have trusted you to some extent since my second Day One. This is not any different. I would be lying if I said this wasn't my family." 

Someone makes a fawning noise in the background. Loki thinks he's going to take his words back and stab Tony. 

"Okay," Steve says, releasing a sigh. "Okay. I think... I think I've got an idea." Before he says anything, he turns sharply towards the door with a suspicious eye. "Loki, could you close the window? I think there's a little bit of wind coming in from outside. It's a perfectly windy night outside, after all. Nothing less than the best for _Peggy_ , after all."

Loki instant mutes the sounds from the room and then gestures to the other suite that this one connects to (which is currently empty, thank Heimdall), ushering everyone in it that don't already make the connection. When the door locks and closes, he unmutes the sounds and then hears louder footsteps at the door. He lets out a sigh. 

Three knocks at the door, firm and commanding.

Steve looks at Loki, shrugs, and then instantly transforms into a grieving, depressed shell of himself. Loki's almost startled by how quick it happens. But he knows better. 

With heavy, uneven footsteps, Steve walks to the door and opens it. "Hey, Tony, I—oh. You're not Tony." 

"Captain Rogers, this is an official warning to you and the Avengers that the Accords signing will take place in another thirty-six hours. This is another warning that Avengers must sign or retire, and neither you nor Mr. Stark are exempt from that," a brusque woman's voice informs. "For whatever reason you may have been expecting Mr. Stark at an odd hour, keep it strictly out of Accords dealings."

Loki himself bristles at that. Steve merely answers, "Ms... Hall, I've just lost my—someone I've loved, and Tony has lost his godmother, guardian, and parent, in everything but name. I appreciate the notice, but not the implications. Thank you." And then he closes the door. Once he does, he leans back on it, and practically slumps against it in a sigh. 

In the meanwhile, Loki silently lets everyone back in, silencing any loud footsteps or movements with his magic. "There there's been a slight altercation to our plans. They are now to be signed in the morning, not that evening." He can see the implications of this register on the team's face.

Steve shuts his eyes tightly from where he's at the door. "I needed _time_." His words are hushed, quiet than what most of them can hear, besides him and Bucky, it seems. "Omnes enim peccaverunt et agent gloriam Dei. Miserere nobis, Deus. Absolvat me," he whispers, his words soft as silk and filled with regret, asking for forgiveness. 

* * *

**February 2013**

**(post-IM3)**

**(1/1)**

After his walk around the windy streets of the city—delightful, and yet not, because of all the reminders of what he did just half a year before—Loki teleports back to his room and takes the place of the magical dummy/illusion. He has wanted to escape this confining Tower for a while, and tonight, since both the Captain and Thor are away for various purposes. Those two are the only ones who actually seek him out whenever he's not doing anything. Admittedly, he isn't doing anything right now, hence the long walk outside. 

It has felt amazing, to feel just a light presence of wind rustling, through his hair and around him. The night sky is completely different from Midgard's point of view, and he admires it, though the city's bright lights make it impossible for him to see anything. One of these days, he'll teleport to a more remote spot to watch the stars. But tonight has been a beautiul escape, and a wonderful relaxation, filled with people of all types and nightlife sights are nothing like the stifling nights of Asgard that are seldom not repetitive. A relaxation that has been enhanced with the shower he takes right after coming back.

JARVIS's voice is the first thing to greet him when he steps out of his bathroom, freshly showered. If his alerts weren't already up—like they've always been, even more so when he discovered the existence of STARK's little intelligence—he might have been startled by the sudden interruption. 

"Sir has summoned you to the gym," is all that JARVIS says, but Loki hears much more than that. 

"He isn't alone, is he?" is all that Loki asks, and JARVIS's lack of a response says all that it needs to. 

Nevertheless, he teleports over to the gym, rolling his eyes visibly when he sees Romanoff and Stark standing there, with Barton perched in the rafters as his name would suggest. It seems they've planned this to coincide when Rogers is out on some sort of an errand for SHIELD, though errand is such a loose word for it. Now. Rogers can't 'protect' him, as they seem to think. 

Loki doesn't need anyone to protect him. Not when he can easily defend himself against Romanoff and Barton, since Stark no longer has his suits on him. He knows that it will only be a matter of time before Stark starts to build them again, but for now, Stark is defenseless. And Thor is not here, but with _Jane_ at the moment. What does he need protection for? It's cute that they think so, though. 

"I've been requested," he merely says, looking disinterested and apathetic as he always does in their presence. 

"Yeah, _requested_ is the word I'd use for it," Stark mutters. Romanoff elbows him. 

"You're here for a skill assessment," Romanoff strictly says, professional as ever. "Both magical and physical."

"Physical? You might have mistaken me for Thor, then," Loki scoffs, deliberately downplaying it. "I fight where Thor cannoy and Thor fights where I do not. It's not a complete lie. It's not as if Loki fights with brute strength when he does choose to be physical. He's aware of his limitations, however few there might be, and knows his workarounds in most cases. 

Romanoff studies his body for a second, and narrows her eyes, assessing him. Then, looking over to Stark, she informs, "Not like I expected any better from the God of Lies. He's lying; try an enhanced version of a style like mine, Hill's, the Cavalry's, or _maybe_ Hunter's." 

Glancing back to him, she asks, "What about your magic?"

"Almost all blocked," he responds, smirking when she narrows her eyes again. She's not going to be able to find anything on him like that. "Well, there is teleportation. Personal shape-shifting. But it will do you absolutely no good knowing or not knowing."

"Save us the spiel," Stark snaps. "Even if giving long speeches comes with the whole persona." Stark sounds extremely stressed, and tired. Loki suspects he's on what Rogers complains to be 'another goddamn science binge' whenever he has to put Stark to bed. 

"What am I here for, really?" Loki asks instead. He knows he's not here for a skill assessment, since the two of them accepted his half-truths without too much questioning. Besides, he knows that Stark's eyes and ears in the Tower have some barebones as to the extents of the skills he currently has. "It must be quite something, for the three of you to catch me in such a good mood, and while Thor and Captain Rogers are away."

Barton remains silent from his perch: a given. Romanoff remains silent from where she's standing and assessing his every move: a given. Stark having to answer the question: another given.

"Rogers," Stark finally says, perhaps realizing that the spies will not talk. It sounds to be an answer, and horribly vague. 

"I happen not to be him," he responds. 

Stark glares at him, barely managing to hide his smirk from view, though it is all over his expression. "And you wonder why no one likes or tolerates you. Well, with the exception of your not-brother and one Steven Goddamn Rogers." 

It clicks, on why he's here. Like Tony said, _Rogers_. They want to know why Rogers doesn't treat him with an air of hostility like everyone else does. Or perhaps they're going to accuse him of doing something to the Captain's mind "Quite the contrary. Your Captain seems to believe the best of everyone, and thinks that anyone is... redeemable." Loki scoffs, like he has to care or patience for such an idea. "I wonder why he persists in his delusions, since Thor has never been the brightest of any bunch. At least I know what happens in Thor's lackluster mind."  

"You've done something to him."

Loki laughs. As if he would have placed a spell on the already amenable captain and _not_ any of the others, if he wanted to. "I haven't done anything different than I have to you or Romanoff, Stark." He very correctly leaves out Barton, in that manner. 

"You're lying."

"Am I?" 

"God of Lies. Doesn't sound too convincing." 

He laughs again, finding amusement in Stark's complete obliviousness to what that title may even begin to mean. "Is that what I'm called? I should think that any proper _god of lies_ would also know the value of the truth, and circumstance. A _god of lies_ would know when to lie, and when not to."

"You're full of shit," Stark grumbles. 

* * *

**March 2013**

**(pre-Dark World)**

**(1/3)**

**WARNING!!!!**

The clouds are far too dark and stormy compared to how they were earlier this morning. They loom over the sky with a foreboding sense of gloom almost with an exaggerated manner. Considering that it's early March, it's much too cold outside and he wonders for a brief second if it might snow, instead of raining soon. Make no mistake, the clouds will open and terrorize city roads, but whether the temperature is cold enough or not when that's happens, he'll have to wait and see. 

If it does happen to snow (and he places no stock in that happening, though he can wish), Loki hopes that the wind will keep, so that he can feel the snow blowing lightly onto his face when he goes out. Maybe it's the Jotunn in him, and he doesn't wish to acknowledge it if it is, but he likes being outside in the snow. Maybe it's the product of centuries being trapped in Asgardian sun and heat.

Loki passes by the open wall of windows that reveal a precipitation-free city (for now) and heads upstairs, into a common room so he can have a night of relative peace. It doesn't matter which one, right now, since every room has its own pleasures. He'll just find one and then read, maybe. 

That's what he thinks until he suddenly has the realization that he's had six consecutive free nights and six days without a single person truly bothering him and startling him out of his peace. Which would be normal if Sta-Tony was in his lab, and Steve was out for SHIELD, and Thor was either on Asgard or with Jane. But while he knows that while Tony and Thor are preoccupied, he knows that Steve is in the Tower and has been in the Tower for the last week. 

It still feels strange to be calling the blond by his first name rather than his surname or by his moniker. The same goes for Tony, actually. He's just a little bit glad that neither Romanoff nor Barton, and Banner for that manner, have insisted on their first names or even offered them yet. It is stranger yet that the last time Loki had called Steve _Steve_ was the last time that the captain had pulled him out of his silence. 

Red warnings go off in his mind, that maybe something might be amiss, that maybe something doesn't line up as it should. Perhaps he should go check it out. Merely out of curiousity, and not out of concern or anything that ridiculous. 

He teleports to Steve's rooms—living area, mind you—and surveys the scene with quite a shock. 

Bottles of alcohol litter the floor, and the entire area reeks of intoxication and spirits too strong. He smells Asgardian mead, and then freezes. Thor had given some to the Captain in jest, hadn't he? One sip was too much for a mortal, and maybe an enhanced mortal could handle it as well as they would handle a few glasses of alcohol here (which is more than enough, but fine), but more than that could prove fatal. 

He finds the captain slumped in the couch, a container of pills half empty next to him. They do not look like they are weak things. The label on them clearly says not to mix them with alcohol or anything else. In bolder print warns of fatalities if more than a recommended dose has been taken. Loki finds a flask of mead on the floor, dropped. It is more or less half-filled as well. 

Steve has a faint pulse, too faint for it to be detected by anything other than his magic. For all of his attempts to die, it seems that his serum has a stronger will. 

"JARVIS, turn back on!" Loki commands, knowing that this must be the reason for the intelligence not to report beforehand. "Alert the Avengers." 

* * *

**May 2016**

**(during CACW)**

**(4/5)**

"Time for what?" Bucky asks. "Since when do you know _Latin_?" 

Steve—whose eyes are still closed, but not tight shut—seems to be saying something in his mind. With a quick cross, and Loki now wonders since when Steve believes in Christianity, he opens them and steps back to them, his face filled with determination and a calculating look that Loki hasn't seen in _years_. 

"Since when are you Christian?" Bucky asks, floundering as best as a former stone-cold terror can. "Steve."

"For about the first sixteen years of my life," Steve says, "Ma _did_ raise the best damn altar boy our side of Brooklyn." 

Loki is fairly sure that Steve has once told him a story about getting the priest of his church kicked out. He wonders, really, what even are Steve's religious experiences. But he knows that now is not the time to ask, and that is probably only why no one else dares to ask, though he can see curiosity and incredulousness on many faces. 

"Have'ta make nice with the enemy to take 'em down sometimes, even if that enemy happens’ta be the church," Steve continues, slipping comfortably into his accent, "But thank god I'm not makin' nice with anyone's this time around. Not if this is supposed'ta work."

And then they listen, as Steve finally lays out his plan that is madness incarnate. It's almost stunning how lofty and precarious this is, and Loki can't help but stare at Steve like something's off. They can't ever hope to pull this off without something going wrong, not when they're all trapped in a hole dug by Ross and the UN. A hole they can't dig themselves out with if they do this. 

"You must be insane," Loki comments when Steve finishes. "Half of us sign, and half run away? Become _fugitives of the law_? We stage a public fight to convince the public and Ross that the legal Avengers aren't in contact with your... rogue Avengers, acceptable, but almost immediately the ones that sign will be ordered to find the runaways. They have to be, and Ross will  have everything overseen, so having the secret Avengers take care of the missions that the UN does not permit will be impossible when you have no resources to _find_ them. Everything is channeled through the UN. The only step that might work is having the ones that have signed negotiate the Accords completely."

"What's the alternative?" Steve challenges, not at all offended, surprisingly. "Clint and Sam both have the option to retire peacefully, get out and stay out. I can't—serum. Bucky can't, not with Ross eager for blood, and if anyone here thinks that Ross won't go after Bruce or Wanda if they don't sign, I don't even know what to tell you." 

"But if something goes wrong? There's no guarantee that the Accords will ever be changed," Tony asks, tapping his chest lightly, where the arc reactor should be.

Steve shakes his head. "Between you, Tasha, Rhodey, Vision, and _Loki_ , I find that very hard to believe." 

"What do you know that we don't?" Bucky asks, sounding like he's remembered something that bears somewhat of a relevance to right now. Something about Steve, or someone else that is connected. "I remember Marshall's sister. Always had a kitchen knife up her sleeve." 

Well, that might certainly shift someone's perception. 

Steve checks his phone, and then smiles serenely. "I know that 117 countries think that Bucky's responsible for the attempted and thankfully prevented bombing on the UN earlier this morning, that should any of us run, we would be granted immunity from Wakanda in any form, that Hank Pym's intelligent enough to create an Ant-Man capable of tricking Sam and taking him down, that there's a certain Spider-Man in Queens who would love a legal Stark internship as a cover to his nightly patrols, that SHIELD and its new Director have been pulling strings from where they can, that we have a _fighting chance_ of fixing everything if we want to." 

His phone makes a little noise that's not dissimilar to the sound of Steve's shield hitting an Ultron-bot. Steve just stares at the message, almost like he can't believe it. He looks out the window, sighing, and then shakes his head. Oh no. 

"And I know that somehow, King T'Chaka has now been murdered, despite the CIA's best efforts. And the Dora's." 

* * *

**March 2013**

**(pre-Dark World)**

**(2/3)**

If Loki hears the wind howl outside Steve's hospital window one more time he thinks he's going to start yelling at Thor to stop the maddening rain and storm. Despite his reputation, he hates the insufferable idea of constant doom and gloom and death and darkness. Well, maybe not darkness, because it has a certain aesthetic to it that he can appreciate, but the rest. 

He also appreciates the sense of loyalty and camaraderie that the Avengers have cultivated amongst themselves, a group of people who haven't had much to love and have besides themselves. It is, of course, the only reason that all of them, sans Thor of course, are currently present at Steve's hospital area and valiantly threatening the staff with privacy agreements lest someone leaks to the public the true nature of Steve's condition. Tony seems to have papers already drafted up, with a binding that Loki approves of, and a woman that Thor refers to primarily as Lady Potts comes up in conversation too often to not be noticed. Romanoff and Barton glare from where they stand, while Banner inquires about Steve's status, and all together, he can see how this team, though fairly new and inexperienced together, may function strongly. 

He has been watching them all for a few months now, and he thinks that he might miss watching the team's movements, though he will never admit it. Loki knows that he will miss some of the Midgardian habits (not their 24-hour circadian cycles however) and maybe a few dishes, but he thinks he'll also miss his relative anonymity and freedom. He's aware freedom is an illusion, a painful one, but a thing isn't beautiful because it lasts. Never. 

Loki takes care not to drift off in his thoughts, because he doesn't want to let the magic that's currently keeping Steve breathing and beating become nothing more than a subconscious thought he'll forget to monitor. No one is aware that he is doing this, and he will not share a single word of it, but he does not care for Midgardian medical machines that are supposed to assist or control involuntary motions. 

Tony instantly walks into the room as if he has been delivered a miracle. Whether that miracle is a positive one or a negative one, Loki cannot discern solely from the comical look on the genius's face. 

"You!" Tony says as he jabs a finger into the air randomly. There is no one else that is conscious in the room besides him and Tony, and currently he is invisible. "I don't know where you are, but I know you're here Loki!" Tony looks around in vain, before he ends up sighing in defeat against his cloaking skills. Loki rolls his eyes, waiting. 

He decides to take pity on Tony and alters his spell so that only Tony is aware about his presence. To the outside world, it will only look like Tony is muttering to himself. 

"How observant," Loki dryly comments. 

Tony smirks triumphantly, and then loses all traces of joy once he glances over to Steve. He gestures to the blond, saying, "You know, serum or not, he wasn't supposed to make it with everything in his system. Out there, everyone's trying to figure out if the serum's stronger than they thought and what's happening." 

"I could have told them that," Loki scoffs, refusing the compliment and thanks that Tony is offering right now and will give any second now. What does he deserve it for? "But they underestimate his strength. He still had a heartbeat and the mix of mead and pills must have been consumed around a quarter less than an hour before." 

"Of less than a beat per second," Tony counters. "So thank you for saving his life, yeah? And not just for finding him, don't think I can't see you helping his heart and lungs work in a way that's stumping everyone. And his liver." 

Loki raises an eyebrow. "I think you may want a doctor if you are seeing things that are not there." 

Tony merely grins, a flashy smile that a showman might wear if it hadn't been genuine. He shrugs. "Whatever you say, Sirius Black, I'm just an eccentric genius, what do I know?" 

* * *

**November 2013**

**(post-Dark World)**

**(1/1)**

"Can't sleep?" asks Steve as he steps into the kitchen, his movements sounding a little stiff. 

"Not terribly interested right now," Loki merely says, letting the steam of his tea hit the palm of his hand, floating right above his cup. "I've got other interests on my mind at the moment."

"Like?" 

"Enjoying my prolonged illusion of freedom," Loki responds with a smile. It has been, after all, just a week since Odin has allowed him to remain on Earth for as long as he wishes. A week and a half since Steve and Tony and the rest of the Avengers/Avengers-adjacent have all given their consent to let him stay. "Actually."

He hears Steve huff out a laugh, and then he turns around to actually see Steve. Who is for no apparent reason, shirtless. He wishes that Steve being shirtless was a less common occurrence than it really is, but unfortunately, the Norns seem to taunting him. Actually, Loki wants to yell at the Norns for not imbuing Steve with a sense of modesty, but he also has a long list of grievances and he can definitely fit space in for all of this. Whatever.

"Glad one of us has it," Steve grumbles good-naturedly, brushing past Loki to grab his own mug and start the tea kettle. The same tea kettle that Loki has no use for because of his beautiful magic. "You could have started the kettle." 

Loki responds by warming the water in the kettle and pouring it into Steve's mug for him. He doesn’t look over to see Steve’s face. “Perhaps,” he says instead.

”I won’t be offended,” Steve suddenly says, seemingly without prompt. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Steve watching him carefully. Loki hides his face fully away from Steve’s sight, his back to the blond’s searching eyes. “If you ask.”

This gives him pause, and he turns around, curiosity getting the best of him. As he channels somewhat of a cocky personality, he asks, “What do you want me to ask, dear Captain?” As if both of them don’t know. 

“It seems like something has been on your mind,” Steve says, rolling his eyes at being called Captain. Loki suspects that he might actually seem to like it now, rather than tensing as he did at the second start of their acquaintanceship. 

“He will never admit to this,” Loki says in half-answer, “But two weeks ago I had heard Tony say that he was hoping to keep both of us here.”

Steve scoffs instead. “I hope he didn’t mean like birds.”

“Are birds not symbols for freedom here?” Loki merely asks. 

“They are if you happen to be naive. Or a child,” Steve responds dryly, “Besides, he’s got one out of two. That’s not too bad, considering that he probably thought he wasn’t going to get you.”

“He does seem to like me better,” Loki jokes, swallowing down the harsh reality of Steve’s word and how close he was to living it out. And the fact that he’s almost no one else’s favorite.

He sees a pleased grin on Steve’s face, one that breaks out slowly with a huff of a laugh and one lights his face up with a glow he hasn’t seen anywhere but Asgard. Like Frigga’s face whenever she smiled at one of his accomplishments (the only one to do so). Steve looks boyish, almost, like this, and not at all like the troubled, nightmare-ridden, suicidal, war hero that he is. Loki refuses to admit the part of him that wishes to see Steve smile like this more. Especially when his eyes seem to shine just a little more brighter and—Loki shuts away these thoughts. He will not entertain these traitorous thoughts. 

“Because both of you go on insane science benders,” Steve rolls his eyes, still smiling. 

“Which you are unable to put an end to now,” Loki taunts. 

Steve’s smile turns slightly wistful, and he instantly wants to take those words back to continue seeing Steve smile brightly. 

“Yeah,” Steve says, a little bitterness in his voice, “Guess I can’t all the way from D.C. when you guys are still here.” Steve looks a little away. 

“You might want to rest,” Loki says when the lull in conversation is pronounced enough to be uncomfortable. “Journeys and new moves can be taxing.”

”Nah,” Steve says, “I’ve got to leave in an hour or something.”

”So late?”

”So early,” Steve responds, wrinkling his nose as his bitter smile vanishes. Now he is merely... neutral. “But there won’t be any traffic.”

”You’re taking your bike?” Loki asks, raising an eyebrow. “Would you like me to t—“ 

Steve doesn’t let him finish that offer before he interrupts with a firm, “No! Um, uh, I meant... nope, I still meant no. I don’t know how you do it, but that just makes me throw up.”

”Weak,” Loki comments dismissively, holding back a smirk.

Steve merely shoots him a dry look, and now, when Loki surveys him again, there are no traces of nightmares or panic in Steve that remain. There is not a single outward clue that Steve had dreamed not only of his friend falling from the train, but also Tony from the wormhole. 

Maybe tonight (or as Steve apparently says, this early morning) is not the worst. 

* * *

 **May** **2016**

 **(during** **CACW)**

**(5/5)**

Steve is an absolute bloody bastard of a human and Loki would be calling him a son of a bitch if he didn’t think that Steve’s mother one was ounce less than the stellar, saintly, and strong woman that she seems to be in all of Steve and Bucky’s stories. He doesn’t quite know how it’s happened, and how Steve has managed to pull it off just as he had said he would, but they’ve done it. Loki—and for that matter the rest of the Avengers—are still seeing cards that Steve had probably played weeks ago come into action _now_. Loki would approve of all of it, if he knew exactly what had happened. He hates this feeling of being left in the loop, but now he cannot do anything about it, not when Steve and half the Avengers have disappeared into the shadows and taken along their reputations and any sort of governmental leniency with them. 

Because right now, at this exact moment, Steve’s half of the Avengers (minus Clint and minus some Ant-Man who had shown up but _plus_ Sam) are on every single wanted list and are international fugitives. Meanwhile, Loki is stuck at this meeting where General Ross is doing nothing but yell at Tony, who has probably fallen asleep with his eyes open an hour ago. Natasha has conveniently found herself with surveillance, trying to case the last known area of Steve. Vision and James are at the hospital, where the doctors are trying to treat James’s legs. 

And the public is lapping up all the drama as if they have nothing better to do. 

It’s bitter and cruel, but the public now believes that the fight has happened because of two reasons. One: Steve’s Rogues wanted to carry out a mission involving HYDRA’s other Winter Soldiers and unfortunately had to be stopped since it wasn’t a legal UN mission. Two: Bucky killed Tony’s parents and Tony found out. 

Steve had argued against using that as a personal reason to make the battle more convincing and believable, argued against mentioning anything that could hurt Tony and Bucky, but ultimately had been outvoted by none other than the two men in question. It’s no secret that he had foreseen the public blowup and the toll it would take on Tony (while tarnishing Bucky’s reputation), but now it’s too late to change it, isn’t it?

Even if it had turned out that Steve and Bucky, who had gone to Siberia to investigate the other Winter Soldiers, had discovered that they were shot point blank by a man named Baron Zemo. Even if it turned out that Zemo had killed King T’Chaka, who had offered sanctuary to the Rogues and help with Bucky's remaining HYDRA conditioning. Even if the current King T’Challa pulled an ‘unexpected’ withdraw from the Accords. Even if James’s legs were irrevocably hurt during the apprehension of Zemo. Even if Steve’s name has been dragged through the mud almost worse than the Winter Soldier’s name has, and by the government. 

Somehow, everything has _worked_. And Loki hates every single bit of it for how flawlessly it pulled Steve away from him. Steve, and Wanda, and Bruce, and half of the people he considered family. Despite having no animosity between each other, and everything being fake, he knows the distance is all to real. 

They'll probably never be the same again, as _Avengers_.

But if the hint that Steve had slipped was any true, a hint saying that Ross had helped Zemo in his plan of framing Bucky and driving the Avengers apart with a confession of Tony’s parents’ true deaths at Siberia, then he thinks they might be together once more before too much distance has come. 

For now, he’ll just have to listen on to Ross drone on about their failure to apprehend the Rogues.

He hates tonight. May 23rd and its stupid pollen-infested wind and its too-dark night skies and dull stars can fade away and he wouldn’t care. 

* * *

 **March** **2013**

( **pre-Dark World)**

**(3/3)**

“If you’re going to give me a lecture,” Steve warns, his face sickly pale and drawn in, tired and showing all 90+ of his mortal years, “I will fall asleep on you, don’t think I won’t.”

”Pity,” Loki sighs sufferingly, “And to think I had such an eloquent lecture prepared. Whatever shall I do with it now?”

Steve relaxes in his bed, and Loki wants to laugh at the absurd idea of Steve, in his weakened state, prepared to fight with anyone who tells him that he isn’t... whatever he doesn’t want to be for lack of a better term to describe him. He doesn’t instead, knowing that any wrong word and Steve will become touchy and refuse to speak. Loki knows this all too well; he is a lot like this himself. 

“I was told that you apparently—” Steve starts to say. 

“Yes,” Loki says, and he immediately wonders what is happening in Steve’s mind seeing him now. 

He doesn’t get a chance to found out, at least not in the next ten minutes, because Steve remains silent and his eyes vacantly stare up at the ceiling. As Loki surveys Steve during that time, he cannot help but notice that this shell of the man that lies in front of him is nothing like the man he really knows. This Steve has weariness permanently etched into his face, his bones and body tired but not because of exertion, and not a sunny thought in sight. A ghost, really, who hasn’t been revived as they should have been. 

“I really wish you hadn’t found me,” Steve finally says, his face still unnaturally blank and looking upwards. 

“It wouldn’t have been right to let you die,” Loki responds, remembering his moment of sheer panic and worry when he saw the finished bottle of Asgardian mead. He doesn’t want to feel that kind of terror in a long while, and doesn’t wish to think about just _why_ he felt that much worry. 

“Wouldn’t have been right,” Steve echoes, a little bitterly. “Fucking hell.”

“I was led to believe by a certain person that friends help each other and on occasion, save them. I was also reliably informed that we were friends, and so fell under that condition.”

“If you really wanted to help me,” Steve sneers almost in sheer _anger_ as he glares at Loki, “You would have let me die.” 

“You would not have died either way,” Loki says coolly, “Your serum would have saved you.”

Steve’s face loses all color as he stares back up at the ceiling in realization. In defeat. “Of course it would have. Of course.”

Steve doesn’t say anything else until another ten minutes has elapsed. But what he does say has Loki’s blood ice over in another pang of terror at how ominous they sound, and at what they hint to. 

“Sometimes I wonder what Dr. Erskine was really doing,” Steve says, and the doctor he is referring to is probably the one that gave him his serum, Loki thinks, “What made him make the serum strong enough to survive a long, cold plane crash, aliens, drugs, poison, and even near-fatal bullets. I wasn’t ever supposed to survive. And look where I fucking am now.” 

As Loki is mulling over that, he decides to leave and offer this new information to Romanoff, Banner and Tony. 

“Did he say anything to you?” Tony instantly asks when Loki steps out. 

“He says he was never meant to survive,” Loki slowly says, trying to figure out what that could possibly mean. Was it because of his sickly nature as a child? Or the high risk of death during the experimentation? Or did Steve simply mean the plane crash itself? And now this? 

Romanoff and Tony exchange a look. 

“Did Steve say anything about the Valkyrie?” Romanoff asks.

“Only that he didn’t believe he was going to survive it.” 

“I’m placing him on suicide watch,” Banner immediately says as he walks over to a doctor wearing a blue headscarf and looking quite harrowed. “That sounds like he’s always been suicidal.”

“There’s something they leave out of the history books,” Tony says, trying to make a joke. Levity is not useful in a situation like this, but Loki remains silent on that. He does not need to make anything worse right now and Tony’s attempt is appreciated, at the very least. 

“None of us noticed. It’s been around eight-nine months and nothing,” Romanoff says, sounding a little disappointed in herself. “Why now? Why March 10th?” 

“That’s... I think that’s James Barnes’s birthday. You know, Howling Commando and Steve’s best friend since childhood, the whole inseparable on and off the field thing?” Tony slowly says, blinking. “I should have made that connection faster, with all the yapping my dad did on Steve and the Commandos. Bucky, um, that’s James’s nickname, in case you didn’t know Loki, was my favorite out of them all.”

“If that’s the case, this runs much deeper than—SHIELD didn’t detect a single thing, I didn’t catch a single thing, that’s how well he hid it. We need to get him—“

”Help?” Tony interrupts Romanoff, “Yeah, have fun with that one. I have a bunch of people I could get though. And bonus! Since he so clearly hid it from SHIELD, we’ll get him a non-SHIELD person.”

”In that case, I believe it would be quite easy to persuade him into saying yes,” Loki says, an idea forming in his head. Tony smiles like he had already known Loki was going to say that, while Romanoff still looks a little suspicious. 

A few days later, as it turns out, threats of SHIELD benching Steve, well-placed pieces of logic and a little bit of manipulation and pressure are all it take to convince Steve. At the end of it all, Banner even warms up to him a little and Tony wholeheartedly approves of him. 

If only he hadn’t undone whatever friendship he had with Steve. Maybe.

* * *

( **redacted** ) **2017**

( **post** - **Ragnorak** )

**(1/1)**

Loki doesn’t know what possesses him to open the door to his hotel room when it is the middle of the night in Oslo currently, but he does it anyway. He actually has no reason to be staying in the aforementioned hotel room, not when he can easily teleport as he wishes, but he also knows that he does not need to provoke Ross anymore by using magic he doesn’t need to. He doesn’t want to remind Ross of all that he can actually do. And so he stays, and so he opens. 

“Hi,” Steve says, looking much more different than he had been last Loki saw him. His hair is much longer, the golden blonde fading into a brown that matches his new beard. A few strands fall into his face sloppily, and Loki knows that his feelings for Steve haven’t changed at all when he realizes how much he wants to brush them out and then tease him mercilessly about the beard. Even if it is extremely good on him and insanely attractive. “Mind if I come in?”

No, Loki has never minded. Not when it’s Steve. 

“Fugitive life treats you well, I see,” Loki says, making a show of running his eyes up and down Steve’s figure. And Steve’s body has changed a little, too, which comes as a little bit of a surprise. It’s a little more filled out near his legs, but if anything, he seems a little slimmer, like all of his muscle is even more condensed and powerful. The clothes he’s in, sweatpants and a loose hoodie that hide his figure to the passing eye, are nothing like the the tight suits or tight clothes that Steve usually prefers, and Loki doesn’t know if he’s a little grateful or not that Steve isn’t in them. 

Steve rolls his eyes. And then he hugs Loki, closing the door behind him with a leg pushing it backwards. All in a fluid motion that suggests some experience that Loki suddenly wants to know about. Once Steve stops hugging him so warmly (not that he’s complaining). 

“Odin is gone now, isn’t he?” Steve softly asks when he lets go. “In Valhalla?”

“Yes,” Loki says, not meeting Steve’s eyes purposefully as Steve lets go. “He is.”

”I’m sorry for your mother,” Steve says, “Pass on my condolences. About Hela, as well.” 

“Did you not see my mother already? I can tell you have been to New Asgard already,” Loki asks, surveying the air around Steve. There is a little bit of magic around him. And a ward around him that seems to have come from his mother. 

“No, I only talked to Thor, Bruce, and an interesting woman named... well, I don’t know her name. I just know that she is _a_ Valkyrie, not _the_ Valkyrie. One of those warrior women that Thor used to tell stories he had been told,” Steve says, shaking his head with a fond smile. “But I didn’t ask much, because they told me the location of one very interesting person that I just _had_ to see.”

“Oh?” Loki smirks. 

“Yeah, fellow by the name of Lohan Silvertongue? At least that’s what the room should say,” Steve grins as he feigns ignorance. 

“I don’t know, maybe you should ask a few of my neighbors for this one that you had to see,” Loki teases, a smile on his face thanks to irony of his last name being the thing to clue in Steve. It had been the thing to clue in Loki all those years ago when this had really started (not the Chitauri). 

“I don’t know if exposing my face out there is really worth it for him,” Steve frowns, acting like he’s deeply thinking about it. 

“Depends on why you’re here,” Loki responds casually, because he does really want to know why Steve’s here. Is this more of a casual visit since he was in the area, or not? 

“Well, I could lie and say I have no friends left that haven’t grown sick of me,” Steve grins brilliantly again, “Or, you can tell me you won’t kick me out no matter what I say and then learn the truth.” His eyes have just a the faintest hint of fear behind all the dare and bold fire. 

“I would never,” Loki says, and when Steve look a little unconvinced, he sighs and adds on, “On my brother’s love for the Valkyries.” Now he’s a little intrigued as to what Steve has to say.

“It turns out that being a criminal isn’t all that fun as it sounds,” he seriously says, causing Loki to snort inelegantly. “And being a criminal who wants to see someone who’s in space fulfilling a horrible prophecy? Forget about it.”

”Admitting you miss me?” 

“Ask anyone and they’ll tell you that I was hopelessly pining for my space boyfriend,” Steve says as he pouts dramatically for all of two seconds. 

“Space boyfriend? Is that what I am now?” Loki asks, watching as two pink spots appear on Steve’s cheeks. It’s cute, even when he really shouldn’t be called _cute_ when he looks like this (sinfully attractive in the other hand...).

“Apparently,” Steve shrugs. “But lately I’ve been wanting it to be real.” 

“Oh,” Loki says as he feels all the air rushing out of him. His mind whites out right then and there, and he wonders if this is what being speechless feels like.

* * *

**December 2017**

**(no A:IW or A:EG, post BP, Spider-Man: HC, and DS)**

**(1/infinite)**

He watches with a smile as the Rogue Avengers are officially pardoned and excused after a year and a half. There are cameras all around them when the Rogues are flown in to D.C. from Wakanda (and where they were before they went to Wakanda is a mystery) for their public welcome. It’s a happy moment, and the culmination of months of sleepless nights and stolen moments, but Loki thinks that having the entire team together (even Clint) right now makes it all worth it. 

And to think that just a few years ago, he had himself and everyone else convinced that he wasn’t one for family. 

Steve walks over to Tony first as he steps down from the flight, a soft and tired smile on his face as nods a hello. Loki can hear Natasha’s fond sigh as they both watch Steve turn Tony’s handshake into a shoulder bump/hug. Right behind on his heels walk out Bucky and Sam, and then Bruce and Wanda. From the pilot’s seat walks out the princess of Wakanda, who immediately stands by Wanda’s side. 

Interesting, Loki thinks when he sees the lack of boundaries and personal space between the two. Even more interesting is the fact that the princess chose to come here.

He doesn’t have much time to think about it, since he’s immediately pulled into a hug by Steve, who whispers a soft, “I told you,” into his neck, a gesture too intimate for the cameras, he fears. Even if he likes the way Steve smiles against his neck. 

Steve must have the same thought, because he pulls away almost immediately after that and gives Loki a promising wink before walking back to Bucky, who’s in conversation with Natasha. 

“I ship it,” Wanda says as she comes over to him. He hasn’t seen her even once since last year, even though he has been helping her and Vision meet up without getting caught. Which is why he lets her hug him too, even if this hug is much more different than Steve’s. “You and Steve are cute.”

Loki rolls his eyes. “The worst part is that he knows how to be subtle.”

Wanda shakes her head, smiling. And then she taps the side of her head. “No one else knows, if it makes you feel any better. They think Steve is still hopeless. Lovesick and hopeless.” 

Loki grins. “He’s not hopeless.”

Wanda looks over to where Steve is talking to Clint and Tony, and then gives Loki a smug smile when Steve glances over to Loki completley unsubtle. “He’s been waiting a while for this day,” she says instead. 

“So have you,” Loki says. She grins and then walks back to Shuri, who seems to be calling her. The cameras seem to be following Wanda to, curious as to why she’s walking back to the princess. 

He has no doubt that these cameras will result in countless articles about a novel-worthy friendship forged in hardship and whatever other drivel they will produce.

The cameras that he had almost forgotten about. The cameras that have made this night, Christmas Eve’s Eve, a public show rather than a private, joyful reunion. 

Loki, now newly abandoned again, goes to Bruce, who seems to have been left alone by Sam (who’s with James and Maria Hill). He raises an eyebrow in greeting. 

Bruce just looks at him incredulously. “I saw you last week,” he says. “If you want a hug, just tell Steve you love him. You’ll get an even longer one.”

He shakes his head, still smirking. “Maybe later,” he says, sounding as if he’s joking. “Has Thor decided to stay out?” 

“Says he has no time for petty mortal squabbles,” Bruce says. ”Or childish reunions.”

“He’s hurt he wasn’t invited to the fake battle,” Loki sums up, “And so he’s not showing up now.”

”No one holds a grudge better than an Asgardian,” Bruce confirms.

And Loki looks over to Steve, who’s now with James, Sam, and Maria and laughing at something one of them said. He thinks, _and no one holds a grudge like the Jotun, but thank Heimdall that I know when to let go._

* * *

**February 2018**

**(what? did you really expect a time card here? ;) oops)**

Steve looks at him seriously, and asks, “You know I love you, right?” 

Loki groans and then closes his eyes again, too tired for Steve’s bullshit. This is what Steve woke him up for? God or not he needs his sleep, and it’s been a long week. For better measure, he turns over onto his other side so that he’s sleeping facing away from Steve. “It’s too late into the night for this. I hate you.” 

“It’s actually... three in the morning,” Steve corrects, his pause and the shaking of the bed probably because he leaned over to the nightstand to check the time. 

“Yes well, it’s late enough that it’s actually tomorrow, is this what you woke me for?” Loki asks, wondering why he had to have hearing good enough that he can hear Steve even with his arm and a pillow over the ear that isn’t against the pillow he’s sleeping on already. 

“Well,” Steve says sleepily, and completely innocently, “I think you should know.”

”The entire world knows,” Loki says, now fully awake and cursing everything. “Because you had to mention it to that cursed reporter. And subsequently, the world. So if you don’t let me sleep, then you will be facing an entire room full of reporters by yourself and I will laugh from this room, still in bed.” 

“I think you’re mad.” 

Loki is suddenly aware that he is murderously glaring at his nightstand and not Steve, so he turns over again and glares. “Five more days, Steve, and the world would have known in a more controlled manner. Five days. Five!”

Steve, who looks like he’s going to actually fall asleep in the next minutes, lucky bastard, tries to pull him a little closer with a sleep arm. “Couldn’t wait,” he mumbles. “Didn’t want them to hear you say it first.”

Loki blinks. Hear what first? So he asks. 

“Love you,” Steve mumbles, and Loki wonders if Steve has ever realized how painfully honest and vulnerable he is when he’s this tired too. Because he is, and every single time that Steve’s brought something up in one of these moments is a time where Loki’s heart twinges just a little. 

But he has no time to dwell on what Steve’s said, and what both of them are insecure about in the moment, because he’s tired. 

So Loki says, “You know I love you, right?” and then wills himself to fall asleep. 

* * *

**September 2018**

“I’ve been thinking,” Steve says, whispering to him softly as Tony is the middle of his response during the press conference. The press conference which is ironically a six-year reflection on the start of the Avengers. Why they’re doing it now, six years _and_  around two months (give or take a few weeks) is beyond Loki. 

“Thinking?” Loki responds, sounding scandalized by the very thought. “Why would you do that?”

Steve glares at him, but the corner of his mouth ticks up in a smile, so Loki will count it as a win. “Today’s actually the six-year anniversary of you coming down here.”

”It would be tomorrow,” Loki says, thinking back to that day. 

“There was an extra day in 2016. So maybe it is today,” Steve says, completely serious. Loki wants to laugh at him, but then he’d be forced to explain exactly what was so amusing to everyone here. 

“That’s now how this works,” Loki responds instead. “Nope.”

”Why not?” Steve asks. Fantastic, so apparently Steve is bored and is in dire need of entertainment. He wonders sometimes, what he was doing saying yes to date Steve. Or even be friends. And then he remembers that he wasn’t thinking. 

“Is your birthday on July 3rd?” Loki asks in retaliation. “Bother Bucky, he’ll actually entertain you.” 

“You’re no fun,” Steve whispers, frowning. 

“Somehow I’ve become the more reasonable one,” Loki agrees, and the thought of that scares him a little too, even though he’s always been the most logical one his entire life. Well, most of his life. This last decade has been a whirlwind (and it’s strange how that works too, how he’s technically been on Earth for a longer time than Steve this century). “It is all your fault.” 

Steve’s about to say something, but then Tony stops talking and Maria calls upon a different person to ask a question. Loki would bet a heavy sum of money that this next question will somehow tie back to Steve, indirectly or directly. It seems that Steve is related to at least every other question today. 

“... will we hear Avengers wedding bells anytime soon?” 

Sam, who picks up the microphone first, beating Bucky’s hand by a fraction of a second, all too eagerly answers, “Man, the way that everything’s going, I wouldn’t even be surprised if Spidey’s going to get married first. Don’t get me wrong, Tony and Pepper are like the best couple goals to ever be and loverboys at the end over there are still sickeningly together, but no one has their shit together. Well, maybe Pepper does. But also, Pepper is a fine enough lady who probably deserves the best proposal out there without having to do the work for it.”

Before Loki or Steve can say anything, Tony asks, “How much did Pepper pay you to say that? How much, Sammy boy?” 

“I notice no one has said anything about Hawkeye and Black Widow,” the same reporter asks. 

“They’re the equivalent of friend-married,” Bucky responds callously. 

“Jealous?” Clint asks, flashing a bright smile towards Natasha, who rolls her eyes at the archer.

”Hell no,” Bucky says. “Hey Stevie, we’re better than the Wonder twins, right?”

”I’m better than Clint,” Steve says, eliciting an offended response from Clint, “And even though Nat beats you—” 

“Thanks,” Bucky flatly interrupts, unimpressed.

“—we’ve got the end of the line, so yeah. We’re better. No thanks to you, though.” 

“Till the end of the line, babe,” Bucky parrots, before grinning. It’s not known yet to the public about Bucky and Natasha’s relationship (which isn’t really defined to the rest of the Avengers either, to be honest, but whatever works), which makes the exchange just a little funnier. 

Steve rolls his eyes. Loki starts to wonder what would have happened if Bucky picked up the mike instead, first. The next question goes to Peter and Wanda, anyway.

”We could,” Steve says, a mischievous glint in his eye that Loki doesn’t know if he likes or not. 

“Could what?” Loki asks, choosing to be apprehensive. 

“Get married.” 

“I’m pretending I didn’t hear that,” Loki says, looking straight ahead instead of at Steve, because then he doesn’t have to acknowledge anything. 

“Why not?” Steve whispers.

”Because you did not propose like that. Awful execution, by the way. Zero out of ten,” Loki responds. “Nope.”

He can hear Steve’s smile when Steve asks, “What if I got up and—”

“I would turn you down, publicly. Shame on you, Rogers.”

Steve starts to say something else, and then cuts himself off at Tony mentioning his name.

 “Well, we never see Steve or Loki anymore, because they’re wrapped up in their own bubble, just like that,” Tony says, and Loki turns to see Tony pointing at them, “But the rest of us, who actually deign to participate and live as a team, see each other everyday. Breakfast is usually a communal kitchen thing, unless your names happen to be Steve or Loki and then breakfast is wherever and at whatever ungodly hour Loki teleports them too. It’s pretty low-key, and then sometimes you’ll find Sam and Clint egging on Bucky and Natasha in a freaky knife show and wonder what’s happening.” 

“Spidey’s pretty normal,” Scott says. “He’s got a life outside this mess.”

“Thanks,” Spider-Man says. 

Steve turns to Loki one more time, a bright grin on his face, and then says, “ _We_ should get a life outside this mess. Marry me.”

“No.”

“You know, your eyes are still the best things I’ve ever seen, even when you’re trying to be disapproving.”

“No.”

**Author's Note:**

> FIRST: There will be a sequel, a 5+1.
> 
> SECOND: It came to my attention that I completely forgot about adding a CATWS piece into the story, which is sad because that's one of, if not number one, of my favorite MARVEL movies. It's also sad because I had a great plan for it :(. Just assume it all happened, and the hunt for Bucky took a few months, rather than a few years, and rehabilitation happened blah blah blah, yeah?
> 
> TIMELINE:
> 
> September 2012 (3 parts): Loki’s trial arc  
> March 2013 (3 parts): Steve’s not doing so hot  
> May 2015 (2 parts): AOU arc  
> May 2016 (5 parts): CACW arc
> 
> ONESHOTS:  
> November 2012  
> February 2013  
> November 2013  
> redacted 2017  
> December 2017  
> February 2018  
> September 2018


End file.
